Saturday, August 5, 2017

A Balancing Act with Cancer and a Cat

This cat of ours is going to be the death of me...

About three years post treatment (radiation and chemotherapy) of my Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma  (NPC) I found myself suddenly challenged with new issues including vertigo and a completely separate issue of balancing whenever I would walk more than a few steps. Although the vertigo issue of mine was successfully minimized in relatively short order through therapy, the balancing-act-while-walking issue has been a ever-present challenge since it's original onset.

Even after all that therapy with those talented balance gurus I still find it almost impossible to walk in a straight line for more than 20 yards. All too often I appear to be just some drunk old guy walking down the sidewalk or weaving down the aisles of the grocery store. You have probably seen me in your ventures and thought to yourself, "Kind of early to be drinking... don't you think ole buddy!" For that reason, I have been instructed to walk with a cane at all times. Lets be clear on this... instead of this cane of mine being used to take pressure off of a weak leg or hip, my cane ends-up serving as something equivalent to an outrigger on a Hawaiian canoe. Whenever I find myself veering-off to the right... my cane helps to keep me in somewhat of a straight line (...more or less). Even though it is extremely frustrating for me to have to rely upon this "crutch" ...I do so realizing that it is more important for me to protect these ole bones of mine (...which are becoming more brittle all of the time)... than worrying about the way I look when I walk.

Almost every doctor of mine starts each appointment with the same old question, "Have you fallen
lately?". Thankfully, so far I can honestly respond, "No... thank Heaven... not yet!". One of my doctors goes so far that he has developed a most annoying mantra that he continually recites when he cautions me, "Remember, whatever you do... don't fall drown!". This particular doctor must also think he missed his calling as a standup comedian because not only will he give that strong warning to me at least twice during each visit but at the close of every appointment when he leaves the room, he closes the door behind him and then he will wait ten seconds before re-opening the door, sticks just his head inside and once again firmly admonishes me, "Remember, whatever you do... don't fall down!I get it doctor... I get it! It is because of that strong, ever-present warning that I truly try to be extremely careful when standing and walking.

My biggest challenge with this balance issue is in my own home. Not because my house is some sort of safety hazard... but the safety challenge in this house is what is lurking in the shadows. You see... we live in a very old two-story home and naturally my bedroom would have to be upstairs so whenever ascending or descending the stairs since my treatments I faithfully and firmly guide my hand along the length of the handrail and with head always bowed low I continually watch where it is that I am stepping... making sure to avoid any misplaced Lego or any chew toy belonging to our dog. None of those obstacles really concern me much because I can look ahead and anticipate... watching for them as my doctor's stern warning voice is constantly ringing in my head.  "Remember, whatever you do... don't fall down!"

Please understand that my biggest concern for my personal safety whenever I walk in my house is our cute but cunning calico cat who unfortunately (...for me) is going to be the death of me. Yes...I can foresee the coroner's report on me now, "Cause of death... DBC... (Death By Cat)".

Yes, this cat of ours is going to be the death of me.... 


This combat kitty is on a mission. Every chance she gets, this cagey cat tries to either get under an upraised foot of mine (...only mine, mind you) or manages to run directly in front of me whenever I am either ascending or descending the stairs. Hey, if running in front of me does not do the trick... she then tries to achieve the same goal by running through my legs ...thus attacking me from behind. "Oh dear Lord, please preserve me from such a catastrophe." One might conclude here that I must always have catnip or something tempting like either strapped to my leg or hidden within my socks for any cat to act like this. Nothing like that at all... this cat will do the same maneuvers to me even if I am walking barefoot in the house. Oh, I have concluded that this furry feline of mine is either a "cat that loves too much" or the Devil himself personified in the soul of a female calico cat. As you can guess... many so-called friends of mine being concerned for my safety will advise me that it is time for this kitty to find a new home.  Well... folks ...while that might seem the most appropriate course of action ...this ole guy has to continue to live with this family of mine and I think they might think the problem is really with me...not with their precious little kitty cat. (Hah! ...Innocent, not!)
By the grace of the Good Lord ...so far I have successfully met the challenges presented by this frightful feline but I fear that the day will surely come (...Heaven forbid!) ...when this cunning cat will succeed in it's dedicated quest ...and then she will be found, rolled-over on her back, laughing hysterically at the fact that I have finally fallen on my backside... or worse

Let the record show that it will not be the NPC that ultimately leads to my demise... but it will be DBC.