Coffee, Tea, or ...Jokes

“Coffee, Tea, or … Jokes?”

When most folks take their first few rides in an airplane, they usually sit-up straight and listen rather carefully to the safety instructions relayed to them by the flight attendants. A few non-catastrophic flights later, you might find that a number of these same passengers have become “more-casual” listeners... and, as such, are now less-attentive to the memorized spiel delivered by non-enthusiastic, non-engaging flight attendants. Slumped in their seats, (though everyone's trays are stowed and locked ...and everyone's chairs are properly in the “full, upright position”), the all-too-typical passengers can be seen with their eyes glued to the tattered in-flight magazine or thumbing their way through the dog-eared gift catalog... doing anything (and everything) to avoid being attentive to the worthy words of warning. Such is the *perfect setup* for a potential tragedy.

Part of the problem here just might lie with the presenter ...or, at least, with the method of delivering this extremely important message. These highly-trained, highly-skilled flight attendants have probably given the same ole sing-song demonstration hundreds of times (...this month) but *today* they look around the cabin and they note that only a few passengers are actually listening to the instructions that could save their lives ...or the life of a loved one sitting near them. These must be the first-time fliers. Apathy is the basic ingredient in the formula for a catastrophe waiting to happen. So, how does one get them to listen? How do you wake them to realize that this is important?

Airlines have noted this critical problem and have tried various ways to try to deal with the issue of effectively communicating these vital directions to their clients, the customers... the passengers. One approach taken by certain airlines is to do nothing more than to play a pre-recorded monologue of these same government required instructions while a mute flight attendant demonstrates how to fasten a seat belt above their heads and then pretends to don and inflate a life vest inside the cabin. This might be the cheapest solution and this approach might have been designed probably just to save someone from stumbling on any one word or to take all emotion out of the approach. Such an approach or attempted solution is horribly insulting to most passengers and evidently is nothing more than a lazy approach by the airline trying to deal with a Federal mandate. What kind of message does *that* convey? Those particular airlines must think that this information is not really important after all. One can only wonder what the offending airlines were thinking when they developed ...and embraced …this approach to critical education. Give their attempt at dealing with the issue a solid “F” ...for “FAIL”. If you happen to think that this particular grade might be harsh or unfair... scan the seats during the monologue and try to detect the number of active listeners (if any). Unfortunately, our current grading scale doesn't go lower than “F”.

Shouldn't there be a “No Passenger Left Behind” program? *Everyone* needs to “get" IT. This is serious stuff!

Another couple of airlines thought they would go one-step beyond the pre-recorded audio file (complete with the demonstrating mute flight attendants) and simply play a pre-recorded video message, ...having shiny-faced actors demonstrate how to perform these life-saving acts while the theme song of the airline “du jour” plays in the background. The next time that you have to sit through one of these pre-recorded video messages... finish the training by giving everyone in the cabin a closed-book test, examining the content of the video to which they were just exposed. Some passengers just might be able to tell you about freckled face boy struggling to put his backpack in the overhead compartment or how they noticed the pixie-looking red-headed girl grabbing the oxygen mask ...but these students would probably not be able to tell you how many rows from their seat till the nearest exit. That just might be pretty important information if you and your loved ones are crawling on your hands and knees trying to maneuver out of a smoke-filled plane. The students just might remember that an MP3 player is one of those electronic devices that cannot be operated until the pilot announces that they have arrived at the prescribed height. Test to see who is really listening to the message. Egad! Is anyone really listening? Does anybody really care? “This plane doesn't take off till everyone gets 100% correct.” “...and No Fair looking at your neighbor's answers!”

Folks... automation is not always the answer. This probably includes all aforementioned audio recordings and video playbacks. In fact, it is my strong belief is that automation like this tends to consistently engender a spirit of public rudeness. Such a philosophy clearly relates that it is not really very “efficient” to personally interact with humans. At all cost... avoid looking in the human's eyes! These automated depersonalizing devices (though seen by some as the path to efficiency) ...can lead to dehumanization. (Oh... and do *not* even get me started on automated-attendant phone systems, “…Press pound sign 666 to speak to a human”.) It is time to Stand up and demand to always speak to a human, ...and not just a disembodied voice from a far-off foreign country. Look in our eyes and communicate with us because we are the Customer. Remember: That the job you save ... and the *soul* you save … just may be your own. Service … “NOW THAT'S A CONCEPT!”

Lest we digress...

These instructional videos of hyper-critical, highly-sensitive airline safety information too often serve to be little more than shamelessly-disguised commercials for the sponsoring airline. Nice acting... nice voice-over, lots of smiling, photogenic faces ...but the packaged media still fails to adequately capture everyone's attention.  What we need now is a NEW approach. We have a problem and now we need a hero!

It seems so utterly rude ...how some seasoned airline passengers completely and consistently ignore these vital safety instructions. Maybe these folks are thinking, “Yada, Yada, … none of this pertains to me”. “Same ole … Same ole...”. “We are *not* going to have a sudden drop in cabin pressure today and we are not going to do an emergency landing in the water ...today.” These down-right rude individuals just might be right... for THIS flight ...or they might be ... dead wrong!  Whenever Mr., Mrs., or Miss “Know-It-All” completely ignores the instructions ...or (...worse yet) talks so loud to their neighbor that surrounding passengers cannot hear these vital instructions ...the life they jeopardize might be their own … or one of those closest to them. These inconsiderately rude slobs prove that they are nothing more than common, ill-bred, uneducated, uncouth boors who only care about themselves. Please move to the back of the plane.

Nevertheless, in this atmosphere of apathetic and rude clients, the senior flight attendant  still must make every effort to effectively communicate the essential safety message so that their captive audience will attentively listen to the presentation ...for their own life ...and their *very* soul just might depend on it. What a powerful concept!

Every last soul on-board just might need to know where the nearest exit is located. They might need to know that it is truly important to put the oxygen mask on the child only after they have secured their own mask. These souls just might need to know how to use the airline-provided parachute. Oh, you missed THAT part? But seriously folks... just wanted to see if you were paying attention to these musings. (For the record.. only the pilot and the rest of the flight crew get to use the parachutes... so the rest of us better “listen up”).
 

Preachers, teachers, coaches and other educators have to deal with the same challenge every day. How should critical material be presented so that everyone will sit up and take notice? How does one present the important message that may have been previously delivered numerous times so that this time everyone will hear and say to themselves “Hey, this is important ...and it applies to me!”

Southwest Airlines has a flight attendant who has obviously effectively met this challenge ...through humor and grace. Introducing … “Tony”! ...our Hero!

On a short hop last week from San Diego to Las Vegas, “Tony” served as the Senior Flight Attendant for the flight. The Senior Flight Attendant is *the* member of the flight crew (other than the pilot) that has absolute control of the microphone. From the moment the passengers first entered the cabin, “Tony”, with PA in hand, greeted passengers with words of welcome and a generous dose of humor and general levity. That approach seems to be more welcomed and more refreshing that the warm, scented wash cloths that they distribute in First Class on other airlines. (...Now how would MOST of us know THAT?)

Senior Flight Attendant “Tony” commandeered the PA system as if it was a standing microphone at a theater for stand-up-comics. In less than a minute, passengers' papers started to be put away, ...people stopped chatting with one another and all eyes became focused on “Tony”. “Now performing on Flight 1250... 'Tony' in the Lido Lounge.”

Now for the true test... how to keep everyone's attention as you gently slide, skillfully segue right into the FAA-required safety demonstration. Absolute Success! Amazing how, (given the correct personality with the correct energy) that one can keep a captive audience on the edge of their seats. Take the blase content and spice it up... yuk it up ...so you get the critical message across to everyone.  Now it just may be that “Tony” delivers the exact same shtick in the same way ...on every flight he serves ...but it appears to be an act that “works” not just for “Tony” but also for his audience. His shtick will continue to “work” as long as “Tony” continues to “read” his audience and constantly tries to “keep it fresh”. Maybe “Tony” should do some consulting work for some school systems since a number of high school educators seem to need help in getting critical data through to their audience. Additionally, any number of seminaries would be well-served to hire “Tony” in methods of preaching and persuasive speaking. Of course, Southwest Airlines should do everything in their power to retain and show appreciation to this valuable employee.

This epistle might not be the proper forum for detailing the particulars of “Tony's” act... verbatim. It just may turn out that such a disclosure would probably be a violation of some sort of copyright law. So, to fully appreciate how “Tony” can fully convey the critical safety messages while having everyone listen attentively... it might behoove you ...and also be “uplifting” for you to fly Southwest Airline as soon as possible ... if, for no other reason, than to try to catch “Tony's” act.

By the time “Tony” finished providing the valuable safety information (and simultaneously entertaining us) ...the cabin broke into spontaneous applause. No surprise! "Tony's" delivery and style of presentation absolutely did nothing to dilute the importance of the critical information. The light routine and hilarious banter continued long after that demonstration and even long after take-off. When the plane touched down in Las Vegas it was necessary for me to reluctantly change planes for Columbus. Those folks who were going to continue with “Tony” all the way to Tampa were to be envied. That might be a fun-filled flight for all. (What a wonderful concept!)

Southwest Airlines would be wise to use “Tony” ...and the other enthusiastic flight attendants of his crew in their television commercials and other forms of media advertisements. ++++++
How about...?

Flight attendants on other airlines give you little more than “Buh-bye” …“Buh-bye” ...and maybe a bag of peanuts (...or NOT) ...but here at Southwest Airlines we have flight attendants and other employees who are actually G-L-A-D when you choose to fly with us.

It shows on their faces and in everything they do. “What a wonderful concept!”

Treat the customer ... like you would like to be treated.

It's Southwest Airline's GOLDEN concept!

So, now is the time to book your next flight on Southwest Airlines with “Tony” ...or with any of “Tony's” co-workers … all of whom want YOU to fly with them ...and then come back to fly with them, again and again.

...Fade to an electronic message board in the Southwest waiting area which flashes, “Now appearing on Flight 1250... 'Tony' and crew!” (LOL) 
..Pan to cabin full of happy smiling passengers. 
...Fade to black.

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The Time Has Come To Fly the Hilarious Skies of Southwest Airlines

Kudos to “Tony”, his crew and all of Southwest Airlines!

++++++++++++++++++++++

...Here endeth the lesson...

Amen!! Amen!

MDJ

DISCLAIMER: Mike D. Jones is not currently employed by or materially affiliated in any way with Southwest Airline (...except that his wife might be considered a “frequent flyer”). Additionally, Mike D. Jones does not personally know “Tony” and Mike D. Jones never met “Tony” before the flight or spoken to him since... nor does “Tony” need the services of Mike D. Jones as his personal press agent or booking agent. Finally, Mike D. Jones has not received any form of compensation from Southwest Airline for writing this missive... (yet). However, if only Southwest Airline could be persuaded to add a direct (non-stop) flight from Columbus (CMH) to a quaint little resort community on the west coast of Mexico (ZLO) ...Mike D. Jones and several other long-time Southwest Airline customers (and fans) would be forever grateful.