Old Fashioned vs New Fashioned Oatmeal

Old Fashioned vs. New Fashioned Oatmeal

New and Improved Oatmeal

One of the early morning rituals performed religiously in our home every day entails dad and oldest son breaking the fast with a bowl of steaming-hot oatmeal. This is a cherished time for father and son to build a bond through a common act of sharing the same food. (One has to hold onto all possible bonding moments with their children, regardless how minor and insignificant those moments might seem). Dad cooks the cereal and then father and son enjoy this meal together while the rest of the family continue their slumber.

Lest you be led to deduce that each morning father and son engage in some sort of sparkling breakfast conversation, let me paint the real "Norman Rockwell moment" for you. As tradition goes, our oldest son takes the sports page each morning and stares at pictures of baseball players, obviously dreaming of the next time he will get to attend a game. Meanwhile, Dad tries to focus his eyes on the rest of the paper. Though words are rarely spoken between the two, a bond between father and son develops.

It would be an understatement to say that our oldest son is pretty finicky over his breakfast of choice. Ninety percent or more of the mornings he just wants regular old-fashioned hot oatmeal. He is fairly emphatic that he does not want any substitutions. So, do not bother trying to tempt him with a bowl of hot “Cream of Wheat”, or “Cream of Rice”,... or Malt-O-Meal, or even cornmeal mush. And do not attempt to substitute Quick Oats or even microwaveable instant oatmeal... Number 1 Son just wants good ole old-fashioned oatmeal. There must be something about the particular texture of old fashioned oatmeal in his mouth because he even disapproves of cooked steel-cut oats. Since it is not like he is asking for some high-priced cereal, soaked in sugar... his request is usually granted as long as we have oats in the pantry. For this reason, we have to make a conscientious effort to assure that there is always a sufficient supply of Old Fashioned Oatmeal.

" Plain and simple " oatmeal.

Additionally, it should be noted that our oldest son always wants his oatmeal “plain and simple” (i.e. unadulterated). It is what we commonly refer to as, “the vanilla approach”. Nothing creative ...and please,... nothing out of the usual. No raisins, no jams, no bananas,  no honey, no cinnamon. Nothing. Not on “his” oatmeal. Though this son has been repeatedly tempted with offers of adding something like raisins or cranberries to his breakfast cereal-of-choice, he has consistently and strongly declined such offers of "doctoring up" his morning tradition. He does not want any additives ...except (maybe) a splash of milk and a teaspoon of brown sugar. For years he did not even want the brown sugar. If truth be told, it was only after his father discontinued putting brown sugar on top of his own cereal did the son decide it was time to give it a try.

A few times a year, as our son is giving his nightly ration of a kiss to his Mom and Dad and saying “Goodnight”, he will quietly advise me, “Tomorrow... regular cereal”. This temporary change in his preference for cereal-of-choice usually indicates that sometime earlier that day he had spied a new variety of store bought cereal being placed in the cupboard. He will then usually eat a bowl of that cold cereal each day until the supply is exhausted. Only then will he again approach me and in the same manner will advise me, “Tomorrow … oatmeal”. Obviously, our oldest son is a man of few words.

One would think that after making countless pans of oatmeal over the years that the process would become second nature ...but invariably the resulting product sometimes resembles more of a gruel than what oatmeal was designed to be. Maybe there is an art to making the perfect oatmeal but a more scientific approach seems to be warranted after concocting something of a glue-like mess. It was discovered that one must first of all be precise in the cooking times of old fashioned oatmeal. For exactness, one should even use a timer.  There is a timer on our under-the-cupboard / over-the-stove microwave but on the morning in question this particular timekeeper seemed to be "on the blink". 

Experience has shown that the best way to solve the microwave-clock-on-the-blink syndrome is a good ole reboot of the microwave's computer. Experience has also taught that when this is necessary the best thing to do is to unplug the microwave cord from the electrical outlet, then wait five seconds and plug it in again. Unfortunately, the outlet is in the cupboard above the stove.  One might think that this location would be convenient for such purposes but nothing could be further from the truth.

Among other things notable about that particular cupboard is that it is also the repository for all of the baking and cake decorating supplies. To get to that particular electrical outlet in that cupboard, one must reach over an assortment of spices, food colorings, flavorings and extracts.This could be considered quite a feat while one stands on their toes and tries to feel the end of the cord before pulling it out for the reboot.


Imagine reaching over all of those jars of spices and bottles of flavoring and extracts in a made-for-winter long-sleeved bathrobe. Maybe it was the steam rising from the pan and enveloping my outstretched arm that made me react in haste. It was (obviously) destiny that the sleeve of the bathrobe ended up catching the top of one of the bottles reserved for baking purposes and pulled it out towards the edge of the cupboard ...and after a brief second of teetering on the edge, the bottled tumbled end-over-end into the bubbling vat of boiling oatmeal. Instinct took over and had me trying to extract that small bottle from the boiling mass by grabbing the top of the bottle.  Mistake! The immortal words of my own father escaped my lips at that exact moment. "Ayyy ....Chihuahua!" (Never understood why he screamed out the name of that particular state in Mexico in moments like that). Anyway, after a few moments of rehearsing several new dance steps with one hand wildly waving in the air, composure was restored enough to frantically fish the bottle from the gooey mess now splattered all over the kitchen.

The retrieved treasure turned out to be a bottle of Pure Almond Extract.  The bottle was covered with oatmeal residue and once again instinct took over and this time dictated that the bottle must be cleaned with the right index finger.  In an instant, without any thought whatsoever, the oatmeal-covered finger was inserted into the mouth. Hmm...., Mmmmm... interesting!  Very interesting. Just a "hint" of almond was sensed in that oatmeal which had previously be clinging to the side of that bottle. Temptation overtook any rational sense and so a measure of almond extract was mixed into the oatmeal remaining in the pan on the stove.  Nervously a spoon was dipped into the mixture and then pressed to the lips.  Eureka! I found it! Not only did the concoction not taste bad ...it actually enhanced the taste of the oatmeal. 

It has been said that some of the greatest discoveries and inventions are unintentionally stumbled upon. Now wondering if this could possibly be one of the greatest culinary discoveries of all time. Or maybe this historical accident might even surpass that time when the guy's chocolate bar fell into that girl's jar of peanut butter.  Who knows?  Maybe this series of events was Providential.  Maybe "He" wanted this to happen (for me).

Besides the bottle of almond extract in that cupboard, there were extracts of vanilla, orange, lemon, and peppermint. Why couldn't it have easily been one of them? That question got the whole thought process going.... What if one or more of these other extracts might be as good, if not better, than the almond? Maybe this was only supposed to be the beginning. Of course, this now meant considerable scientific research would be required.  

What about all of the other extracts such as; lemon, pineapple, mint and anise?  They too would have to be considered ...even though none of these were readily available to sample this morning. Wait! In the back of the cupboard there is an outdated bottle of maple flavoring. That would have to be a good mix for oatmeal since we already have seen packaged instant oatmeal with maple flavoring in the stores and, of course, some of us may have heard of Maypo (maple-flavored oatmeal). Hmmmm.... I wonder ... if they call that combination "Maypo" should I call this Almoat? Nah... that just not trip off the tongue as nicely as "Maypo". Might as well stick to "New and Improved Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Now With a Hint of Almond". But the question now becomes, "has some equally clever person already marketed oatmeal with almond flavoring?" Though oatmeal has been seen on several restaurant menus with almond slivers garnishing the top, none has been encountered thus far with just almond flavoring. Brief research into the crevasses of that memory chip implanted deep within my skull could not find evidence that anyone in history has ever tried to enhance the flavor of oatmeal with just the essence of almond.

With a "Hint " of Almonds

If cinnamon “works” on oatmeal ...and cinnamon is a spice, I wonder what other spice might be used to “spice up” this oatmeal. Let’s see… Allspice (…Don’t think so!), Alum (…Definitely Not!), Anise Seed (…Maybe), Apple Pie Spice (…Hmmmm… Possibilities!), Pumpkin Pie Spice (…Mmmmmm …More possibilities!). This analysis continued through the bulk of the spices while the oatmeal was cooling. Some experiments actually got the "wet finger" taste test, others were eliminated through a quick “sniff test”. What else is hiding in this cupboard... waiting to be discovered?

Wait! Here is some honey.  Lots of folks put honey on their oatmeal.  What else...? Hey, why not blueberry syrup ...or better yet... boysenberry syrup! Wasn't there some of that in the fridge?  Wait... no boysenberry syrup... but lo... there is a jar of boysenberry jam. That might do just fine! The possibilities for oatmeal enhancements are simply mind-boggling.  

Isn't it truly amazing how the mind of an inventor or innovator really works? Though this venturing into the mind of an inventor might seem a little scary... you are probably really thinking, "Why hasn't someone thought of this before?"  Sheer genius! 

How boring daily life would be if we did not "wonder" what something might be like without a dash of this, a splash of that ...or a smidgen of something else. The possibilities are endless and yet ...these two parents are blessed with  a son who wants nothing more than to stick with the "plain and simple" unadulterated oatmeal. Most parents would probably want to clone our oldest son.

Anyone observing this scene of taste-testing the various extracts, flavors, essences, spices and other ingredients might come to believe that they were watching some Mad Scientist in his lab... cooking up an “experiment”. In reality, he is not really mad... just adventurous! This sense of adventure had to be directly inherited from my father. A little known secret to the outside world is that my father was a fabulous chef ….99.9% of the time. The reason for that kind of success is that he was never afraid to take risks. After all, he had a dozen guinea pigs on which to try his “experiments”. Eleven children and a wife who knew not to complain since our chef happened to know enough chemistry to keep us out of trouble… (except once… but that is food for another story). It must be true what they say about “Like Father, Like Son”. Did the correct gene get passed to know what one can “get away with” in food experimentation? In this day and age, there is probably a prohibition against experimenting with human subjects especially family members. Though Ruby the Wonder Dog and Callie (aka Calita the Fajita (translation = "fat-rat-cat")) wouldn’t mind eating *anything* that is put in their dish or dropped on the floor, the ASPCA and PETA might have something to say about exposing these animals to such potential dangers.

As long as there is this sense of adventure in one's culinary experimentation, then maybe it might be a good idea to keep a bottle of Ipecac syrup …and the phone number for the Poison Control Center ...on the inside of that cupboard above the stove ...as well as prominently placed in several other places next to the stove.

The latest discovery of this new and improved oatmeal with a "hint" of almond and all of this subsequent experimentation would be for naught if the creation is not at least accepted by the son with the finicky taste-buds.  So, the pressing question of the morning is... would our son turn up his nose to this wonderful new invention of oatmeal mixed with almond extract?  As the bowl was placed in front of him you could have heard a pin drop since my breath was being held.  Slowly, the victim (err... our son) inserts his spoon into the mixture and raises it ever oh-so-slowly to his mouth.  In a flash, his mouth closes around the spoon and his eyes grew wide in amazement. What happened next was truly a rare event.   Faster than you can say "Jack Robinson",  our son breaks into a silly grin as he consumes the rest of his breakfast.  Success!  He likes it ... He actually likes it! At long last, a little more variety and a little more spice has been added to all of our lives.