Time to get Ugly

Time to get Ugly ...again

It was one of those near-perfect late-summer days in the Mid-West, quite suitable for mixing with friends outside of church after Mass. The oppressive summer heat had finally given way to more moderate temperatures and finally, the steamy, sticky days were now hopefully behind us. Though the leaves had not yet started to fall ...or even started to change color, one could sense that we were on the doorstep of an awesome autumn. As is our custom on beautiful days like this, some fellow parishioners stood outside after Mass and continued to give our thanks to God. 

The mid-day sun was bright (and, unfortunately for me) was bearing down warmly upon my brow as we chatted. Deep within me, my soul began reflecting on some preaching presented by someone other than our parish priest. My dermatologist continually preaches to us fair-skinned folks that we are never to venture outside without first donning a hat and slathering every exposed inch of the body with sunscreen rated as SPF-30 or higher. Who would have guessed that our conversation on that bright, sunny afternoon would have extended for more than an hour?  Anyone care to guess who is going to hear another medical lecture on the need for total solar abstinence?

We lingered a bit longer than usual on this particular Day of the Sun because a few parents were waiting for one or more of their children who were attending a class meant to prepare them for the Sacrament of Confirmation. So the parents and the siblings of the Confirmation students, as well as a few of their friends, stood together outside the church and engaged in deep philosophical and theological discussions as everyone waited for their missing family member to join them.

Just a nanosecond before us adults were going to be able to answer all life’s questions and solve all the problems of the world, we were interrupted by a determined-to-be-heard voice.  A six-year-old boy broke into our adult conversation, loudly asking me, “So, what are you going to be for Halloween this year?”

For the last dozen years or so, it has become a tradition for me to overload our over-sized van with youngsters from our church and lead a caravan of other vehicles that were also hauling a cargo of kids to a safer neighborhood on the other end of town for a little bit of ”Trick or Treat”. It has been a special joy for me to introduce quite a few children and their parents to this special Fall holiday. It will not be too much longer before the children of the first group of trick-or-treaters will be old enough to join our growing caravan.

This enthusiasm for the brighter side of All Hallows Eve was properly directly inherited from my father. It was an apparent joy for my dad to stand at the door of our home and pass out treats to all of the costumed creatures who came knocking, chanting their pleas for candy. One of my favorite memories of this time of year is how my father would take the time to fawn over the night visitors dressed as story book or comic book characters and feign horror when confronted by children outfitted as monsters yet they were little more than a yard stick in height.  

Halloween was my father’s favorite holiday, which seems hard to believe if you ever saw the twinkle in his eyes at Christmas. There can be no doubt that this annual autumnal event was at least one of his top two favorite days of the year. Several years ago, our father passed from this life only days before Halloween.  

So, a few years have now come and gone since our father distributed penny candy to the diminutive beggars at our doorstep. Those who knew my father well can easily imagine that at this time each year he is probably entertaining unsuspecting cherubs and angelitos with his feigning and fawning antics.  As we headed to our father’s evening wake and rosary service, it seemed somehow fitting that our family encountered hundreds of costumed youngsters making their annual pilgrimage through the neighborhoods with their bags in hand.  More than likely our father would have loved the scene.

My flashback of these Halloween memories from my childhood was sharply interrupted by a tug at my trousers, delivered by the youngster still seeking my attention. “My dad wants me to go ‘trick or treating’ dressed as Batman again this year ...but I want to go as something else!”  (...If truth be known, this kid’s dad probably wanted to get at least two-nights-worth out of last year’s costume before the super hero evolved into another character needing a new outfit). Sometimes money is no object to young super heroes.

It turns out that my older sister also had an deep affection for this particular holiday which extended throughout her adult life. Maybe all that enthusiasm for goblins, ghosts, witches and warlocks was somehow inherited from our father. It may also be that she especially liked this holiday since her birthday fell within the month.

Faithfully, each year my sister would decorate her whole house inside-and-out for the Halloween holiday. It was always a joy for me to escort young trick-or-treaters to my sister’s Halloween House and watch how she enjoyed sharing all this with the kids.  It seemed like she was perpetually adding new items to her scary, yet mostly-funny collection. Several years ago our older sister joined our father to celebrate together in a much better place. Gone but not forgotten! Both of them left us much too soon but they left us with such great memories.  To this day, whenever a unique Halloween decoration is spotted, my older sister comes to mind, guessing that she would want to acquire it for her Halloween House.

The pesky persistent voice once again interrupted, “...You should go as Freddy Krueger this year... but you will need to buy some of those sharp fingernails.”  For anyone unfamiliar with  “Freddy Krueger” he is a truly scary-looking dude from a whole series of slasher movies based on the original “Nightmare on Elm Street”.  Not exactly my “cup of tea” as far as movies go... nor the kind of movie genre appropriate for a six-year-old ...but this little guy was actually suggesting that it would be a good character for me to imitate (...not him) when we take our annual trek on that special  night on October this year.

What costume, if any, would be appropriate for me to wear this year? Obviously, it could not be anything so gruesome that it might actually scare the youngsters being shepherded through the neighborhoods. The more that this question was pondered, the more obvious the answer became. Actually, my dear dermatologist helped me see the light since he had recently recommended (for the third year in a row) that it was again time for me to undergo a very special treatment for my sun-damaged skin.  In addition to all of the regular freezing (burning) of precancerous areas on my face and arms, it has now become an annual event for me to undergo a month-long treatment of Carac® cream. For those unfamiliar with the product or the treatment, be first advised that one should avoid appearing in front a camera for at least a month after beginning to apply this special cream to the face.

The dear doctor continually reminds me that all of this is necessary to pay for the sins of my youth when my skin was repeatedly burnt to a crisp. In those Dark Ages, some of us young, ignorant types would only “protect” ourselves from the sun with Johnson’s® Baby Oil... sometimes tinged with iodine.  So, because of all the pleasures of the flesh my body was subjected to about a half century ago ...now the torture to face, arms and dignity must be endured. Needless to say, no scary makeup will  be necessary for me this Halloween.  

My sensitive skin and its tendencies to burn with the least amount of exposure to sunlight is probably directly related to my own genetic makeup. Though my heritage is of a Heinz 57® variety, this freckled, easily-scorched skin of mine is probably most effected by my ancestors from Wales, England and Ireland. God bless them all! Thankfully, modern medicine can help people like me deal with the issues that go with having fairly fair skin.

My dear dermatologist advises that, in addition to the burning (freezing) of precancerous areas all over my head and arms and this now-annual treatment of Carac® ...my head is to be henceforth covered at all time with a big, wide-brimmed sombrero and my arms and legs are also to be completely covered, even if slathered with SPF-30 or higher-rated sunscreen. All of these precautions are to be followed, unless, of course, there is a complete loss of interest in maximizing the number of autumnal holidays that are to be enjoyed in the future. Maybe it is time for me to become a creature of the night. Maybe a big black cape would be a fitting costume for me this year.

It should be noted that Carac® packs a pretty powerful punch.  In fact, one of the key ingredients of this cream is commonly used in chemotherapy.  Pretty potent stuff ...but it does have a tough job to do! This powerful medicine comes packaged in a very small tube. Unfortunately, for those with graying hair and tired eyes, the size of a tube of Carac® happens to be exactly the same size as a travel-size tube of Sensodyne® toothpaste and might easily be mistaken. For that matter, the tiny tube of Bacitracin in the medicine cabinet is the same size and color scheme as the Carac® and the Sensodyne®. It is so dangerous to have any two similar-sized tubes of anything within reach... at least at that hour in the morning ...in my house.


Of course, it would be nothing more than a “mel-of-a-hess” if one would spread Sensodyne® toothpaste all over the affected areas of the body... however, squeezing a generous amount of Carac® onto your toothbrush will surely have some devastating, long-lasting effects. For the sake of every one's health, safety and welfare it would be best to remove all other tiny tubes from the bathroom as long as anyone in the house is undergoing the Carac® treatment.

Note to Self:  ... "Make a note of that!"

Every morning of the treatment, the smallest amount of Carac® is placed on my fingertips and is applied to the majority of my facial area. "A little dab will do yer!" Within a few days of staring the Carac® treatment, it might look like you have been out in the sun too long.  A day or so later, you could look like you developed a serious case of rosacea ...and quickly after that it looks like you have developed one of the most horrific problems of acne. Usually by the tenth (10th) day of the Carac® treatment, people are starting to stare and point in your general direction.  It might tend to bother you when you notice mothers grabbing their babies and trying to shield them from my view. It is at this point when you realize you could easily impersonate the Freddy Kruger character and do a little ("...how you say ...'trick-or-treating'") ... without needing to put on a mask or apply any makeup whatsoever... "but you will still need to buy some of those sharp fingernails!"

HAPPY HAUNTING!